So, I am on a couple dating websites, this is no secret. I decided to make a new profile on them, and have included it below because I like it. Questions is: Do all the single ladies (all the single ladies!) say oh oh ohhhhh and put their hands up?
My name is Philip, or Phil. Most people call me Phil, while others call me names they have made up for me over time. People driving too slow in the fast lane in traffic call me crazy, or "an ***hole". Other people, like those too serious or sensitive for their own good, have stopped calling me.
If I checked out your profile, I definitely want to hear from you. The reason I didn't write first is probably one of two things. A) I didn't have time to write because I'm at work and someone needing me to do actual work rudely interrupted me. B) I couldn't think of anything to say other than "Hi, I'm Phil, and you are (have) hot tamales". Which, though clever like a fox, is something that would probably have you teaming up with the people driving too slow in the fast lane.
I think people would describe me as brutally honest, to a fault, if they had to say one thing about me. Why they'd have to say something about me is the real mystery. Perhaps the "held hostage for opinions bandits" have regrouped after their fall from the headlines, a direct response by the media to their inability to come up with a less literal name. I almost never lie, and I rarely if ever bend the truth. This results in a number of reactions. Tears, anger, or nervous laughter…. and sometimes sex. I stay honest for the laughter, of course.
My close friends have been known to warn people ahead of time when meeting me, and I usually like to let people know to never ask me a questions they may not be prepared to hear the answer to.
People consider me funny, if they have bad taste. I am very positive to the point of potentially giving you an aneurysm if you are a cynic. I tell a good story, as long as I have time to prepare before hand, meaning drink wine.
I'm currently working towards my aspirations of not working anymore. I am also trying to come up with other ways of living in irony. Once I'm retired I'll fill my life with travel, flying, sailing, and various other adventures, until I can't afford it anymore. Then I'll live my second dream as an aging homeless vagabond, trying to find something to eat in a small town where I'm not wanted, then bringing Brian Dennehy a war he couldn't imagine. They say anywhere is walking distance if you have the time, and enough shoes.
When I'm not working I'm usually at a cottage, traveling, camping, or out on the town with my group of most excellent friends, most whom I've known my whole life. I've known most of my friends longer than I can remember, because I have a terrible memory.
I dabble in photography, guitar and working out and other trendy and interesting sounding hobbies.
I love food, and everything related to food. Cooking, shopping for ingredients, learning about different cuisines, preferably by eating or preparing them. Even more preferred is having someone prepare them for me, so I get to eat them. Which is an unnecessarily complicated way of saying I like restaurants. I will try pretty much anything once, and most things twice because I have a bad memory.
Chain restaurants pretty much epitomize everything so grossly wrong with society, and the idiocy that encompasses most of it, so it is rare you'll find me at them. I'm more likely to be found at a pretentious little bistro, feeling self-important. This you find shocking, I'm sure.
Other than that I love a good laugh, and my taste in comedy is low brow, the lowest of brow... lower even than Tom Tucker's sons brows, which are, if you know family guy, impossibly low. My limited TV watching is usually based on clips shows and things I don't have to pay attention to for more than 5 minutes at a time. I pretty much stay away from any show that requires me to watch more than one episode to know what’s going on, because I have a bad memory. I think I mentioned that before, but... well you get it.
Get in touch if you are interested since I often forget I'm even on here or can't be bothered to come around because I'm on youtube watching children get the bejeezus scared out of them.
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7 comments:
I enjoy people that are brutally honest, because they usually say things that I am thinking and too polite/shy to say. Or they call me out on my bulls**t which I kind of find humerous because I'm usually lying to spare feelings or please someone else. I'm a terrible liar though so honesty in a person is really cool. Thanks for the blog.
Perhaps you would get more responses from interested females if you emphasized your more appealing traits such as your loyalty, genuineness and kindness rather than trying to be funny but seeming distasteful to potential mates. Perhaps your jokes are funnier and more appropriate in person wherein people can see your facial expression and tone and they would seem less offensive, creepy, and possibly actually funny(case in point - "hey you are (have)hot tamales"). Just an observation. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong.
Ohh responses, I like those. To reply to the first comment: Thanks, glad you like the blog, and thanks for commenting, you should leave me your email or just email me philipbaranski at gmail dot com. Perhaps if we got along you'd take away some brutal honesty and i might get a little tact from you :)
To the second: I've actually gotten more responses from this profile, by far, than any other I've posted. I figured those who could read between the lines would figure out some characteristics about me through analyzing what was said. I also figured those not smart enough to do so wouldn't be worth talking to in the first place so it would save us both time. I've got too much pride (see ego) to feel I have to sell myself so plainly, but you might be right. We won't ever know however because I couldn't do that without sounding like I was more full of myself than I already do. My jokes are much less appropriate in person, that I can promise you HA! I figured there had to be people out there who really didn't think this was funny, so I am glad you commented. You are officially the first person to think so that I've had contact with about it. You can't possibly be wrong about thinking something is or isn't funny, you can jut have bad taste. You obviously don't, because otherwise, you'd have agreed with me in thinking that shit is hilarious. I should note that everyone that wrote me about it though it was a laugh riot. I suppose they did decide to write me in the first place, so it's a fairly bias example. You shouldn't judge girls on their produce choices, or my attraction to those that are in possession of such produce, that just isn't right. So they like things spicy, don't we all sometimes? Can't we all just get along?
Fair enough response however, have any of those girls been the quality you would look for in a long term mate or have they been the good-for-a-good-time (couple weeks tops) then you're just friends or they're kicked to the curb type of girls?? (Not sure if that makes sense but...)
I ask because girls can "like things spicy" but in my experience, the ones that flaunt their spicyness or look for it outright are usually the ones you don't take home to mom and pops.
I haven't been all that interested in any of them, so I don't really know what they would have been, never got past online messaging or date 1. I'm not looking for long term anyhow, just dates, good times, hanging out. So - I guess inadvertently I have succeeded in trying to attract what I am currently interested in.
Well thank you for the insight into your post. I'm glad you're finding what you're looking for. It's often difficult to find good people at the best of times.
Have a happy Thanksgiving. I look forward to future posts.
Thanks for taking the time to write, Iwish i knew who you were lol
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