The Protector: Reviewed

The Protector
Vengeance Knows No Mercy!
Especially when protecting the elephants you have developed what some psychologists would call "an unhealthy attraction to".

Some of the boys and I saw this movie last night, and let me tell you, it's got a lot of ass kicking. It's got so much ass kicking they had to incorporate different martial arts so "Muy Thai Vs. Muy Thai" ass kicking didn’t get boring.
They even included the rare and ancient martial art of WWE. Master and 9th degree black belt Goldberg showed off the artful moves with a grace only those trained by Sensei Hart in his basement temple in western Canada could ever achieve.

As a bonus, there were at least 80-100 arms broken in ONE SCENE. I'm not exaggerating; it was a 15-minute arm-breaking BONANZA! I feel it safe to conclude this movie has by far the most bone breakings of any film in history, even the long since forgotten medical classic: "bloodletting and bone breaking for amateur physicians: A step by step guide to curing all that ails"

For those of you who enjoy a storyline, or dialogue of any sort, or like when the actors actually speak their own lines, then you best go find yourselves another movie you uppity nosed drama lovers. I hear the film fest is on in Toronto, so see you later. SEE YOU LATER!

So what if one minute Tony Jaa's (main character) frolicking disgustingly lovingly with elephants and in the next scene the guys father's dead and his elephants are gone and he's not really even that upset about dad's death...

And so what if in the next scene this underprivileged elephant farmer is magically in a stolen cab in Sydney, Australia and being held hostage then framed for crimes he didn't commit.
And so what if somehow he ends up making enemies with the biggest gang in town and keeps having to fight everyone of them and the crooked police force who run it.

And so what if after beating them all and finding his one elephant and shipping it off in a truck he’s in a park with the one clean cop in town at sundown, then the next morning magically walking across a bridge with the same elephant he shipped off the night before, yet somehow found, retrieved and brought to a bridge to walk with him in the span of a few hours.

And so what if the top henchman, one of the main characters biggest rivals in the gang simply disappears about 3/4 of the way through and we never hear about or see him again. And so what if he is FAR more upset that his elephants been killed than he was when his own father was, and we never really find out what happens to him at the end of the movie... So what? We didn’t go to the movie expecting a Movie, we went to see it to see a martial arts demonstration in various cool looking locations RIGHT!?.... right?

NO I DID NOT WASTE $9.95 ASSHOLES!
I TOTALLY EXPECTED THE GUY TO BE PROTECTING ELEPHANTS AND IT WAS WAY BETTER THAN I COULD HAVE IMAGINED SO SHUT UP!