Today, I Cop out.

It's been a few days since I updated, and I feel a little like a selfish lover not pleasing my wanton harem.
I don't feel like writing anything special today, meaning I can't seem to come up with shit.
What I will give you is a promise that after this weekend, we'll have plenty to write about and show you.... Nia ga ra Fawlls (say it like the ghost of Christmas past in Scrooge, featuring Bill Murray)

Anyhow, if you want something to read, or pictures to oogle, visit this site: POST SECRET . It's not always funny, but it is always incredibly touching. I really like it. It won blog of the year for 2005.

I shall see you on the flipside, hopefully with pics of my going over the falls wearing a Superman cape, riding a stolen mechanical bull.

Another Movie review, this one by me.

Halk, you've inspired me.
I just watched King Kong and felt I needed to get the word out to the public about this movie.

LONG!


Like I said, I needed to get "the" word out.
Alright, a couple more: Fuck Kong, fuck him in his stupid ape ass.

A random movie review by Quarter Life Crisis' own Kev Halk

Don't be Scurd, It's Running scared.

Last night we watched the movie 'running scared', it was entertaining at least. Started fairly stylish but ended up being a huge mess of every random thing that could happen.
Paul walker said the f word in every sentence.
The kid shoots his father because he badmouthed john wayne, then the kid runs away, gets kidnapped by a homeless person, who shoots some crack dealers, then he escapes and runs into a pimp beating a whore, then gets kidnapped by pedophile killers, then the mother shoots them.
oh yeah, he also went to the hospital to switch the shells, and the prostitute with the kid used the gun to rob a pharmacy to get an inhaler for him and then they met up in the diner and the kid hid the gun in the back of a toilet, and the Mexican janitor took the gun to his house and lost it in a game of poker, so Paul walker hacked into the personal records of the diner and went to the janitor's house and busted up his card game.
Then he's like 'where the fuck is the gun?' and the guy's response is he sticks up his middle finger so Paul walker snaps it and everybody in the room starts laughing. He lost the gun to some other Mexican dude so Paul walker goes to that guy's work (a car garage), and they battle and the guy pulls out fire and starts trying to burn him, then Paul walker steals it and threatens the guy and the guy confesses that he just sold the gun to the pimp, whom he later stabs in the neck after throwing a handful of creamers in his face.
Chazz palminieri tries to blackmail the mobsters and gets blown up, then the Russians are in the mob and think Paul walker set up the Russian father, so they question him, then the one Russian Paul walker was accused of trying to assassinate takes of his shirt and walks away, so the other Russian shoots him in the back. The only reason they're there is because the Russians think Paul walker was trying to kill the one guy, then the other Russian just randomly shoots him.
Then everybody gets killed, then Paul walker and the kid stop for breakfast and kill a pimp. Then the meth lab explodes killing the Russian's wife, then Paul walker confesses he was an UNDERCOVER COP WEARING A WIRE THE ENTIRE TIME!.
Then he dies and his wife attends his funeral.
Then she meets up with him and says I'm never burying you again.
He was a cop the whole time wearing a wire? Didn't he kill like 15 people trying to make sure the cops didn't find the gun that could convict the guy he was trying to convict?
It was like 10 movies in one.
Oh well, that's my rant.
What else did we forget...
Oh yeah, he also beat the shit out of his dad with a bat when he was 14, so the old guy keeps dropping spaghetti on his lap., and the kids really like the hockey team, then at the end there's hockey players skating around shooting pucks at them and trying to kill them, and he has to shoot the random hockey players too.
I thought they'd turn to zombies, or some aliens would come, or they'd end up in a jungle or something.
It was entertaining only in its awfulness.
2 hours 2 minutes of never knowing what the fuck was going to happen the next minute.
Oops the guys dad came out of the house and killed his wife.. Now an alien's chewing on his father and ate the gun, so he has to chase it back to the jungle and gets kidnapped by natives.
And then the jungle gets stormed by the army and they kidnap the guy and send him to bootcamp and the pimp's also in bootcamp and he kills him, and finds out the Russian kid is actually his son.
That can be the sequel!.
I'll give 2.5 stars

That was a post at the request of Ash, written soley By Kev Halk. (the red face) I've edited it very slightly so it flows more like a review, as it was taken from an MSN conversation. Enjoy Randomness at its finest.

A Party Picture Book

Once upon a time, there was a Saturday night. On that night came home a young stallion named "Doc". Doc and his friends Started the afternoon with a nice bath.


And a whole bunch of special drinks, like cola.












Then everyone called taxi cabs, and went to a place called Cowboys. Don't be fooled, Cowboys is a terrible place filled with scary creatures, and the only way to keep the creatures from attacking was to do a special dance:






Finally, Everyone escaped from Cowboys and they were All very hungry from dancing, so they went to get food, but when they got there, two special ingredients were combined and a spell was cast over the restaurant.


It made everyone get into a big battle.


The hero's won the battle easily, and spared the bad guys life because it was the right thing to do. Then, everyone went to bed and had dreams of sugarplums.

And boobies.

Stop The Genocide!!!

Recent conversations among Ash, Kev K and I have brought forth a Truth those of you who are easily swayed be the "liberal media machine" may find hard to Swallow.
TV is constantly bombarding you with shows and movies titles "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and "Blade 1 through 17" etc.
I'm here to tell you not to believe the lies! These "Vampire killers" aren't hero's. They are operatives on a murderous ethno cleansing genocide, hired by governments across the land to suppress the coolest, most baddest assed, most wicked awsomest ethno of all: The Vampire Race!
These shows lead us to believe Vampires are evil just because there's never any reprocussions for killing them, and worse, for some reason you become a hero for your capital crimes. WHY IS THIS OKAY!?!?!?! These so called "heros" just go around eliminating vampires without any explanation? I mean the least they could do was, say, make up stories about Vampires manufacturing cache's of WMDs or start "Wars on Terror" or classify the vampire race as part fo the "Axis of Evil" to justify their mass murders, but they can't even be bothered to do that!
Frankly, if you're putting LESS effort than the US government into justifying the mass killings of innocents, there's definitely something very wrong.

I've decided to risk certain ridicule and bring people the truth! Soon we'll all be embracing that glorious neck bite and lining up to become the undead. Don't believe it? We'll here's a short list of facts movies and TV shows have taught us about Vampires and their lives:

#1. The first and most important advantage they have is they are immortal, which makes them basically invincible. This creates a relative flurry of additional benefits, as will be noted with a * as the list goes on.
#2. All vampires are super hot, like "branjolina" hot.
#3. They have the best clubs on earth, and everyone in them parties like it's 1999 EVERY NIGHT!*
#4. Vampires fuck ALL the time*
#5. None of them have to do any real work, and they are all rich as hell and have impeccable style.
#6. Some vampires can fly, and if they can't, they can always try over and over till they learn.*
#7. They only have one food group, and all the clubs serve their favorite drink, sometimes in shower form.
#8. They can ALL kick your asses SOOO bad it isn't even funny, even the little kid vampires and the girl ones.
#9. They don't ever have to sleep, but if they want to they can stay asleep for like 100 years.
#10. They don't get old*
#1B. Did I mention basically all they do is party and fuck about 20 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year?!***********

I don't know about you but I'm already jealous like a welfare kid at the ice cream truck. If you still aren't convinced vampires are the greatest race ever, then obviously you are what we call "mentally retarded" or "religious".
You know what, when I'm a vampire I'm totally not going to bite your neck.. Plus, even if I did decide to feed on your doubty doubterson blood you wouldn't become a vampire anyways (see rule #2).
So PPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLL <-That represents the sound of me sticking my tounge out and rasberrying you




On a totally unrelated note, How friggin disgusting is this picture? WOW, SO sick... Kind of a mutatede Veeger with a 70's cop Stash slurping up a smaller Veege like it was made of ramen noodles.

Real Men Love Destruction.

Remember as a kid, when you'd take painstaking hours to set up thousands of dominoes just for that few seconds of pure bliss you got watching them all crash down?. Alright.. Who's kidding who here, it isn't just kids and it certainly isn't just dominoes.
It's the pure bliss you got when you smashed that so and so, or Destroyed that whatchamacallit, or threw that thing off that really tall other thing.
You're probably sitting there right now, grinning like a priest with a fresh set of choirboys, and nodding along with memories of televisions flying weightless through the air, only to meet their ear shattering doom on cement pillars below. Well if you are, welcome to the "guy with a pair" club.
If you aren't, or you think destroying things is stupid, then you're obviously a chick, which is excusable because it's not your fault (you were born that way)
If you aren't a chick, then you're probably a self righteous hippy who's lacking a set of nuts and would rather spend their days hugging what is soon to be my new kitchen cabinets, whilst smelling like patchouli. I think there's some trees that need planting somewhere anyhow, you should probably hop it... Shame on you..




YOU SEE?! Dominoes aren't just for the kiddies. They bring excitement to quasi-grown men like only a few other things could (Think wads of someone else's money, Saint Catherines St., Montreal, Saturday night)
Inso facto, that may be the only reason men build anything in the first place. Destruction!
My theory is: We don't build huge skyscrapers and statues because we have small penises and feel we can make up for it by "erecting phalli" (HAHA!) in cities across the world. NO!
We build them because, eventually, we will get to watch them get blown the HELL up, and come crumbling to the ground in a massive man pleasing pile of joy.
I do realize buildings usually last longer than people do... But rest easy in the knowledge our sons or grandsons will have such pleasures.
It's Dy No Mite.

ARRRRGLE BARRRRGLE! OR FOOFERAAH

At work, we are different people. We tend to be more patient, more polite, more anal and in general, a whole lot less fun. For many of us, the moment we walk through the front door of our jobs, ever single ounce of common sense flees us like a greased up pig from a hillbilly with a hardon. For those who retain their common sense, laziness has a way of crushing them as if it were one of those ridiculously fat girls with the skinny boyfriends, that one drunken night she decided to crawl on top and passed out.

For the very few others I like to call, Me, well I'm perfect so fuck off while I criticize.

Anyhow I digress from my point, which I didn't even actually get to before drifting off on to some fantasy land filled with bad Similes and analogies. The point being, we should all be allowed to physically and verbally smash people at work sans consequence.

Imagine how great your job would be if when presented with a stupid person or questions, or a lazy fucker, you could treat them with the same love and respect you do your friends whenever they slip up. By "love and respect" I mean jumping on them immediately and ridiculing them for no less than 20 minutes until they want to cry, then ridiculing them for being a pussy.

I'll try and paint a picture for you: There's a meeting between Bush and Kim Jong, and Kim is all like "Bush, I'm totally testing some Mucular Nissiles tomorrow." trying to sound all serious.
Bush counters: "Mucular Nissiles, what's that Kim?, a new type of nasal spray you four eyed little midget bastard? HAHAHAH Mucular, you girls name having motherfucker!
Kim (All flustered) "Girls name!?, I'd rather have a girls name, than be named after private parts of unshaven women!" (See Kim doesn't like to say vagina, or any other word that refers to vagina, because it makes his little willy feel funny).
Bush "Just say it, I'm named after hairy pussy, common Kim, SAY PUSSY"
Kim:(looking like he's going to cry) "Stop it, stop saying that!, you know I hate that George!"
Bush: "AAAHHH hahahaha now who's the pussy, you little mammas boy, you wanna wowwy Pop?" ahem.. And um so on, so forth.. Obviously it would solve everything.

Frankly, if that's not the way to advance all business and even political relations then I guess there's only one thing left, and that is to smash like my good friend "The Hulk" Above... Or perhaps, just get so damn smashed you look like red lobster, like Halk, below.

Even if that write-up wasn't funny, this pic is enough to make up for it, ohh man.... Golden.. I know, no relation to what's above, but amusing no?

Another weekend binge.. What's that 320 ish consecutive now?

Ahhhh drinking, I love it. I'm telling you all, alcohol is like a fine woman:Tasty, frangrant, intoxicating and when stored in the freezer, lasts almost forever.

Paul, Knight, Julie and I recently had a conversation about our vices, and came to the realization that we've spent around $7000 or so dollars on booze since we started drinking... Each. That's a hefty down payment on a nice car, but frankly I'd be too drunk to drive another car anyhow, so what's the point of having one?

Whilst reminiscing about the past, and how many weekend in highschool we used to go in a row, we remembered how exciting it was to reach say ummmm.. Say 3 drunken weekend in a row and that our records back then were..... They were.....Well none of us can remember much about highschool... I wonder why that is? That's like 350 weekends ago isn't it? I'm no good at math.

I really buckled down to figure it out,, I did!.. But I can't draw any real conclusions as to why I don't remember much from back then, probably something to do with school and how it fills your memory spaces up with useless information like "If a train is traveling at the speed of X towards County Y, how many goats does it kill when the conductor is busy figuring out how many weekends in a row he's been drunk and forget to switch tracks"

Excuse me for a moment, I need a refill.

Knighty being accosted

This video was taken at the 52 Q bar, or Q52 or 5Q2... I can't really be sure because I didn't have time to analyze the beautifully modern sign while treading through the river of Toronto's finest "Street Level Employees", I'm pretty sure it means 52 Queen though. A great spot for some $3 PINTS! That's right,$3 pints of beer, mixed drinks are also $3... And I mean when it's crawling with hotties who are all too happy to get all up in "yo ass" (SEE THE ABOVE VIDEO), It's a shoe in for BEST BAR IN TORONTO.

The first Entry... I hope this goes Well

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.... Well actually Mid afternoon, and who am I kidding, ladies? Gentlemen? I don't know any such Socialites... Let start things honest here.

*AHEM*

Good afternoon Lower and middle class suburban/urban ites. Welcome to my new blog.

The purpose of this endeavor is to share the things going on in my life, and the lives of the posse members. I'm going to attempt to learn how to add videos and photos here, as otherwise it will be about as entertaining as Aunt Margaret's slides of her most recent trip to Santa's village, and I know you're already saying "Man FUCK aunt Margaret and her stupid slideshows, actually fuck this blog too, I just want to get drunk!"

Well don't despair children, soon enough we will be drunk, and then I'll have material on here that's entertaining enough to at least keep your dirty mouths from using profanity towards my blog. Assholes.

that's all for now. To you all, I say good day.