Recent conversations among Ash, Kev K and I have brought forth a Truth those of you who are easily swayed be the "liberal media machine" may find hard to Swallow.
TV is constantly bombarding you with shows and movies titles "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", and "Blade 1 through 17" etc.
I'm here to tell you not to believe the lies! These "Vampire killers" aren't hero's. They are operatives on a murderous ethno cleansing genocide, hired by governments across the land to suppress the coolest, most baddest assed, most wicked awsomest ethno of all: The Vampire Race!
These shows lead us to believe Vampires are evil just because there's never any reprocussions for killing them, and worse, for some reason you become a hero for your capital crimes. WHY IS THIS OKAY!?!?!?! These so called "heros" just go around eliminating vampires without any explanation? I mean the least they could do was, say, make up stories about Vampires manufacturing cache's of WMDs or start "Wars on Terror" or classify the vampire race as part fo the "Axis of Evil" to justify their mass murders, but they can't even be bothered to do that!
Frankly, if you're putting LESS effort than the US government into justifying the mass killings of innocents, there's definitely something very wrong.
I've decided to risk certain ridicule and bring people the truth! Soon we'll all be embracing that glorious neck bite and lining up to become the undead. Don't believe it? We'll here's a short list of facts movies and TV shows have taught us about Vampires and their lives:
#1. The first and most important advantage they have is they are immortal, which makes them basically invincible. This creates a relative flurry of additional benefits, as will be noted with a * as the list goes on.
#2. All vampires are super hot, like "branjolina" hot.
#3. They have the best clubs on earth, and everyone in them parties like it's 1999 EVERY NIGHT!*
#4. Vampires fuck ALL the time*
#5. None of them have to do any real work, and they are all rich as hell and have impeccable style.
#6. Some vampires can fly, and if they can't, they can always try over and over till they learn.*
#7. They only have one food group, and all the clubs serve their favorite drink, sometimes in shower form.
#8. They can ALL kick your asses SOOO bad it isn't even funny, even the little kid vampires and the girl ones.
#9. They don't ever have to sleep, but if they want to they can stay asleep for like 100 years.
#10. They don't get old*
#1B. Did I mention basically all they do is party and fuck about 20 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year?!***********
I don't know about you but I'm already jealous like a welfare kid at the ice cream truck. If you still aren't convinced vampires are the greatest race ever, then obviously you are what we call "mentally retarded" or "religious".
You know what, when I'm a vampire I'm totally not going to bite your neck.. Plus, even if I did decide to feed on your doubty doubterson blood you wouldn't become a vampire anyways (see rule #2).
So PPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLL <-That represents the sound of me sticking my tounge out and rasberrying you
On a totally unrelated note, How friggin disgusting is this picture? WOW, SO sick... Kind of a mutatede Veeger with a 70's cop Stash slurping up a smaller Veege like it was made of ramen noodles.
No comments:
Post a Comment