The boys in the group have heard a lot of complaining from me since I’ve been back in Canada about what I have dubbed “The Condo Mentality”. To explain this simply (i.e.: a Websters definition) is almost impossible, but I will give it a try…
A person with the “condo mentality” is someone who doesn’t really know what the “basics” of being human really are. Now, the word “Condo” is included since most of these people live in Condominiums. The majority of these people don’t even realize that their behavior/opinions are completely ridiculous, and won’t listen to reason or a clearly stated argument that completely blows them out of the water. They will usually respond with a line such as “…but those are the rules” or “…yeah, but this is what we’re going to do anyway” when confronted about their controversial conduct.
I will attempt to give some recent examples of behavior that I have seen since returning to Canada that will hopefully clear up some confusion;
1. This is my personal favourite (or biggest pain in the ass) that I can recently remember. The guys all have to listen to my rants about this particular person that I have never even met, and criticize me for being a heartless prick (Bev). I must say that this is the biggest example of the “CM” that I have seen in a lonnngggg time.
In Toronto, next door to Matt’s place, is a neighbour who is very concerned (read: standoffish and just plain rude) about his parking. Since the city of Toronto tickets us with a constant barrage of $30.00 parking tickets for overnight parking in the street, we like to park in the parking space that is conveniently located right behind Matt’s house when we visit the T-Dot.
In order to use this parking space, you need to go between Matt’s house and his neighbour’s house by using the shared driveway. It has just enough room between the houses for a car (with it’s mirrors pushed in), and at the end you can turn right into Matt’s single space, or left into the neighbor’s single space. There is absolutely no way to turn around on Matt’s property without “encroaching” about 1 or 2 feet onto the neighbour’s space (which is ALWAYS empty) in order to drive back out between the two houses again safely. I have tried to back out of this spot before (much to the laughter and ridicule of the boys since it took me about 15 solid minutes of maneuvering to get out without scraping the entire paintjob off of my car).
This is where the “CM” shows its ugly face. The neighbor is very vocal and open about his dislike for any vehicle crossing his property line, even for just a few seconds while a driver backs up to turn around. Matt and his landlord basically told us, that this “gentleman” gets very angry about this.
Now, this may sound like there is no problem here to some readers, but hold on a minute. Lets look at this from another perspective…
You don’t want us to touch your precious gravel with the back wheel of our cars for 10 seconds. Why ? Who fucking cares!? We aren’t rude about things, or spinning our wheels. We are NOT doing ANY damage to your property, in fact, that’s exactly what this piece of property is meant for, parking cars on!
To quote Billy Joel – “ …we might be laughing a bit too loud, but that never hurt no one”
All we want to do is back up for a second, and then drive out safely. What’s the big deal !? Well, this is the “Condo Mentality” at it’s very best. There is absolutely (read: NONE) NO reason for wanting to enforce a useless “rule” that you have made up. Welcome to the club asshole.
All this makes me want to do is to lash out towards this man. I have thought and dreamt of “returning the favour” to him, to really make him have a reason for being such a heartless prick, but will I ever do any of these things? Highly unlikely. For example;
a) Strap on a pair of cleats and run all over his lawn.
b) Get a shovel and hoe, and do a bit of gardening.
c) Sprinkle a “fertilizer” on his lawn that will turn it a nice yellow colour.
d) You get the idea….
Now, of course, I don’t want to do something like this, but, I feel sometimes as if it really is necessary. I guess I am a heartless prick myself.
As another example of the “genuine goodhearted” people of the world, I would like to share another quick story:
2. My father works for a home company where he is the “Renaissance Man” who checks out and fixes everything after a home is finished and the new homeowners move in. Now, obviously, as a homeowner of a brand new home (with beautiful wall to wall carpeting, new cabinets, and brand spanking new appliances, and sooooo close to Hwy. 401! - meant to be sarcastic), you would want everything in your home to be perfect. I can understand that, I mean you paid $200k + for it.
But my understanding only goes as far as legitimate problems and things that actually matter.
Recently, my father was asked to repaint an entire front door of someone’s new home because it was “the wrong colour”. No problems he thought as he made the 15-minute drive to the home with a can of paint and a smile to do the job. When he arrived, he looked at the door, and after determining that it was the correct colour (white), and that nothing was wrong or out of the ordinary, he asked the homeowner what he meant. The homeowner responded that the top of the door hadn’t been painted yet. My father was shocked to say the least, but responded favourably and fixed the “problem”. No problems ? Think again….
The top of the door !
The 2’’ part that no one can see, ever. Unless you got a ladder to inspect the top of the door, there was no way to tell that this problem ever existed.
Now, I will side with the homeowner for a brief second…what would the guests in my home think if they somehow found out that the top of my door was an “off-white” non-painted colour that didn’t exactly match the rest of it !?
I believe that would be the day when your friends would leave your “wine and cheese” party where the guests enjoyed a fun-filled evening of Parcheesi games, Conservative Party banter, and talking about the latest Republican fundraiser- hosted by Bill O’Reilly. They would NEVER talk to you again !
The door must be painted ! My house must be perfect ! Those are the rules.
Now, if you’ve actually been able to read this entire rant about what I find the most annoying thing in the world. I congratulate you. I’m sure it was quite a task! But, I’m not finished yet. I invite those of you brave enough to post a comment on this website about your own example of the “Condo Mentality”. Perhaps we can even get together around a campfire at Phil’s cottage in the coming weeks, sharing our loathing for the human race while everyone else has a ball partying inside ! I know I’m down. See you there!
-Ash
A lesson from Quarter Life Crisis' Own Hawkdog: How to deal with condo mentallity losers: Be a fucking asshole!
If you're not an asshole to begin with this may be difficult, as feelings of guilt will slow you down. Keep in mind the amount of sleep you lose feeling guilty for your assholish actions will be far less than the amount lost from fuming over how badly you'd like to smash the face of that condo mentality fuck head, and your list of plans, that were never carried out, to get him back.
For the example: Picture a ghetto ass apartment building in an ugly part of waterloo. It's the kind of building that struggles to maintain tenants. Leases are broken due to impending jail time and things of that nature. Needless to say there's always plenty of parking space available. However the "rules" are, only one parking spot per apartment, and no guest parking.
Due to the popularity of the cool residents of a particular unit of this building, there were always plenty of visitors requiring parking. Sometimes for matter of hours, sometimes for a matter of minutes. This caused parking conflicts. Despite debates with the parking enforcer (a resident of the building who performed the duty strictly for his own sense of authority) multiple tickets were handed out, no excuses. Thems the rules! After an obscene amount of tickets were handed out (still unpaid) and notices literally glued (We're talking elmers style, white fuckign GLUE!) to car windows, a boiling point was reached.
Quick action was taken. The result being slashed tires, keyed car panels and several other annoyances directed in the parking guys direction. This lead the parking guy to take early parking enforcer retirement. Yeah! He quit within days. You see one thing these asinine petty losers have in common is cowardess, so overrun their fear of breaking "the rules" with a good old fasioned legitimate fear of serious harm (to property and body) and the problem solves itself. Ohh, and just one final thing; Fuck that parking guy and his "thems the rules" condo mentality.
Bigsmit's experience:
I remember a day when I went to pick Ash at his Grandmother’s condo. (Most of the tenets are retired I think). Her phone was busy so I couldn’t buzz up or call to let him know I was there.
While I was trying to buzz up 2 ladies came down to exit the building but wouldn't open the lobby door. They just stood and starred at me while I was trying to buzz the apartment. Probably wishing they didn’t leave their mace at home today. Only after I left and was out of sight back in my car did they leave.
After about 20 min I said screw this were running late. So I decided to enlist the help of at least 1 of the 3 people I could see sitting on their balcony. I figured maybe they could just walk next door and knock on his Grandma's door and let him know I was waiting. They must know their neighbour they have all lived there for 10 plus years I figured (maybe I was out of line?).
The first lady was on the second floor. I stepped out of my car and said "Excuse me I wonder if" Before I finished the sentence she got up dashed inside and slammed the door so hard I was surprised the glass didn't break.
She probably proceeded to dial 9-1 and waited for a noise in the hall to indicate I was coming to accost her...to dial the final 1.
The next person simply ignored me.
Finally I got the attention of a lady who approached her railing very cautiously. She assumed I could jump 30 feet in the air and pull her over the edge I guess. Anyway she agreed to walk 15 feet and let Ash know I was there.
Once Ash got to the car he let me know that the "helpful tenet" gave him shit because I was parked in Mrs. Jones space and I should move. The helpful tenet obviously knew we would be on our way in under a minute once she told Ash I was there. However she still felt obligated harp on him because if Mrs. Jones came home we would all be in a world of shit and the Sun would crash into the earth and kill us all.
To quote Ash "The majority of these people don’t even realize that their behavior/opinions are completely ridiculous"
Well If I don't act like a paranoid freak. Or stare out my window looking for Hooligans, gossip with Martha and think every person I see is evil what else am I going to do? GET A FUCKING LIFE.
If I ever develop the "CM" smack me..even if you don’t know me.
7 comments:
The driveway "gentleman" sounds like he needs a good ass-kicking to snap him back to reality. Seriously...unreal
I know exactly the type of person you're talking about here. My neighbour who lived on the opposite side of our building - as far away from us that one could possibly live and be on the same floor cornered us in the elevator and started yelling at us for ripping the carpet in the hallway outside of our door. I wasn't aware of a rip, so I had no idea what to say. Upon further investigation, I found that the so called "rip" was actually the seam of the carpet, and had not been damaged. The thing that really pissed me off was that this guy had no way of knowing about the carpet unless he was lurking outside of our door looking for something to get angry about, as he lived on the other side of the building and we were tucked away in the back corner.
This same prick screamed "JESUS! Can you slam the door any louder?" at me from the opposite end of the building while my beau and I were moving our chesterfield and were unable to keep our door from closing behind us.
"Could you be any more of a sociopath?"
How to deal with condo mentallity assholes: Be a fucking asshole!
If you're not an asshole to begin with this may be diificult, feelings of guilty will slow you down. However the amount of sleep you loose feeling guilty for your asshole actions will be far less than the amount lost from fuming over how big of an asshole that condo mentality fuck head is, and your never carried out plans to get him back.
For the example: Picture a ghetto ass apartment building in an ugly part of waterloo. The kind of building that struggles to maintain tenants. leases are broken due to impending jail time and things of that nature. Needless to say there's always plenty of parking space available. However the "rules" are, only one parking spot per apartment, and no guest parking. Due to the popularity of the cool residents of a particular unit of this building, there were always plenty of visitors requiring parking. Sometimes for matter of hours, sometimes for a matter of minutes. This caused parking conflicts. Dispite debates with the parking enforcer (a resident of the builing who performed the duty strictly for there own sense of authority) multiple tickets were handed out, no excuses thems the rules! After an obscene amount of tickets were handed out (still unpaid) and notcis glued to car windows.
A boiling point was reached. Quick action was taken. the result being slashed tires key car panels and several other annoyances directed in the parking guys direction. This lead the parking guy to an early parking enforcer retirement. Yeah fuck that parking guy and his thems the rules condo mentality.
I completely identify with the “Condo Mentality”
On day a year or so ago, I was picking up my daughter from school, and had momentarily parked my car in front of someone's driveway. I had not exited the car and the car was still running. I was simply waiting there for my daughter to come out of the school cross with the crossing guard and walk the 20 feet to my car and I could then pull away and be gone. I noticed the garage door of said house go up and what I presumed to be the owner come down the driveway and ask me to move as I was blocking his driveway, so I pulled forward about 15 feet allowing him to pull out of his garage and back out into the street to leave. I turned back to watching the children exit the school, trying to catch my daughter before she started walking home, as she usually did. I then hear a loud knock on my passenger window and the guy is irate that I am still blocking about 3 feet of his driveway. I must emphasize that this is a driveway in front of a three car garage and the only vehicle in the garage is in the number one spot and I am blocking maybe 3 feet of the number 3 space. I defiantly told him I had moved forward more than enough for him to exit, he said he did not wish to exit; he just wanted people to stop parking in front of his driveway. I told him I would move within a minute or two, once my daughter, who I could see being escorted across the street by the crossing guard, was safely in the car. He became Irate and said he was going to call the cops on me. He the proceeded to back his vehicle out of his garage at an angle and place it directly behind me with about 6 inches between his car door and my rear bumper and proceeded to get on his cordless phone, I assume to call the cops.
Luckily the car parked in front of me pulled away about 30 seconds later and I simply drove away.
It's not as if the school was built after he bought his house. He knew the school was there when he bought. What kind of a d*#k buys a house on a corner lot right across the street from a school and then gets all indignant that the there is congestion for 15 minutes every day at 3:00?
This is just like people who buy a home near a concert venue and then want the venue to stop hosting loud concerts or buy a home near a landfill and then complain about the smell.
You are preaching to the chior my friend.
I remember when I went to pick Ash at his Grandmother’s condo. (Most of the tenets are retired I think). Her phone was busy so I couldn’t buzz up or call to let him know I was there.
While I was trying to buzz up 2 ladies came down to exit the building but wouldn't open the lobby door. They just stood and starred at me while I was trying to buzz the apartment. Only after I left and was out of sight back in my car did they leave.
After about 20 min I and screw this were running late. So I decided to enlist the help of at least 1 of the 3 people I could see sitting on their balcony. I figured maybe they could just walk next door knock on his Grandma's door and let him know I was waiting. They must know their neighbour they have all lived there for 10 plus years I figured (maybe I was out of line?).
The first lady was on the second floor. I stepped out of my car and said "Excuse me I wonder if" Before I finished the sentence she got up dashed inside and slammed the door so hard I was surprised the glass didn't break.
She probably proceeded to dial 9-1 and waited for a noise in the hall to indicate I was coming to accost her...to dial the final 1.
The next person simply ignored me.
Finally I got the attention of a lady who approached her railing very cautiously. She assumed I could jump 30 feet in the air and pull her over the edge I guess. Anyway she agreed to walk 15 feet and let Ash know I was there.
Once Ash got to the car he let me know that the "helpful tenet" gave him shit because I was parked in Mrs. Jones space and I should move. The helpful tenet obviously knew we would be on our way in under a minute once she told Ash I was there. However she still felt obligated harp on him because if Mrs. Jones came home we would all be in a world of shit and the Sun would crash into the earth and kill us all.
To quote Ash "The majority of these people don’t even realize that their behavior/opinions are completely ridiculous"
Well If I don't act like a paranoid freak. Or stare out my window looking for Hooligans, gossip with Martha and think every person I see is evil what else am I going to do? GET A FUCKING LIFE.
If ever develop the "CM" smack me..even if you don’t know me.
I was all into your post until I noticed that you broke the cardinal rule of yelling at others; don't fuck up your own house.
Gotta spell 'losers' the right way, fellas - unless, of course, the individuals in your stories need tightening.
Thank you twelve year old with spellcheck
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