Niagara Falls: The Bimbo of cities

Approach this post with caution, as it isn't funny. I tried, but I sucked. It does contain a healthy portion of rant, which may amuse, or annoy you. You've been forwarned.

This past weekend we visited Niagara Falls. This place is like huggies, completely disposable, but not biodegradable.
I was involved in a Friday night/Early Saturday Morning "event" that I thought was going to go quite well. Unfortunately, it just ended up solidifying the idea for this blog in my mind.
I know you’re all curious what I got into, but the reality is, I didn't get "into" anything, which was part of the problem. HA!
All I can say is I got stuck for a brief time in a conversation so brutal the plate glass door and second floor balcony fall were looking like a viable escape plan to lighten the pain of the monstrous stupidity I was being malled by.

So why is Niagara one of those gorgeous people you just want to bone right up until they open their mouths? (To speak anyhow... BOOYAH!) I am on FIRE!

Because the town took this:













An absolutely glorious "wonder of the world" type beauty of nature.


And then they go and plaster this (and worse) all over its ass:

I’m no historian, but I’d bet dollars to donuts the planning of the town moved along as follows:
Sir Jesimpson: "Like, cast your eyes on this wondrous sight, Lord Parisilton"
Lord Parisilton: "Mine eyes are totally filled with such glory beyond that which I have ever seen, It hath beauty stronger than like the nicest prada bag I've ever seen."
Sir Jesimpson: "Those are totally strong Words, but I am like in agreement Sir."
Lord Parisilton: "We must share such a triumph of nature with like, all the lands."
Sir Jesimpson: " Yes, It is totally our duty and stuff. But first, We should like totally construct a town with luxuries for the commoners, and comforts so plenty it will draw crowds from around the world"
Lord Parisilton: "You mean like, totally plaster the place with a million roach motels, awful American fast-food and "family dinning" restaurant chains, whorehouses and identically terrible souvenir stores selling garbage?"
Sir Jesimpson: "Throw in some gambling and ensure the place is raped of any sliver of individuality, culture or substance, and you got yourself a deal."
Lord Parisilton: "We shall make it so!"
Sir Jesimpson: " Like totally!"
And so it went, and the masses they did come, and they LOVE it. Reinforcing again, my point that “the vast majority of people are fucking idiots.”

To wrap it all up: Seeing the falls for the first time is spotting that gorgeous gal, or lad. Then as you walk up to talk to them, you hit Clifton hill, and that’s the part where they open their mouths (to talk). Heart breaking.